Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
