My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
