Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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