She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
