at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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