i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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