ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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