How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
