so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
