and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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