Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
