that's an acceptable place to lick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Are my feet made of real feet?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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