Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
