I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
