don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
