I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
