my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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