you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
