i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
