If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
