Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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