My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
