just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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