I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
