You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize