dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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