How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
