this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
