bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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