finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
