I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
