she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
