i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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