I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
please come you make the beer taste better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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