I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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