my being single is dangerous.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the liver wants what the liver wants
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
