woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
