Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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