i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think a kid would responsible me up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
