sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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