OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
