i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
