i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
