its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
