yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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