I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
