Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
