They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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