Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
