Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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