Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
