the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will be naked everywhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
