"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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