You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
