I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
