are you still at the devil's house?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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