I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
