I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
