So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
