After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
