she looked like the bat from fern gully.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
