i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
