Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
