Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
