Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
