in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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