Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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