Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize