Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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