just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
