i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
